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Read: Video games are better without stories Jon Allison: It is a shooter, like Call of Duty or Halo, but also layers in some role-playing elements. We started playing together weekly, and we got comfortable chst each other.

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Focusing the attention on the other person in those moments can help us get past those awkward spots, she says.

Give someone a compliment It shifts the focus to the other person and should make them feel good, Sandstrom explains. That wifh when it shifted for me, like, Oh, this is just a friend now. Having potential friends built in was a huge factor in me deciding to come out here. Do I want to make friends with him?

It felt like the best connections I had were actually with people that I was playing video games with. Trent knew Jordan, but Jordan could be a weirdo. Beck: What was it like when you guys finally met in person?

That started a whole new chapter. You get better at asking better questions, and answering with more interesting responses.

For a very long time, I had trouble telling the withh of them apart. I never talk on the phone, if I can avoid it.

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She researches how people navigate their social worldsincluding how language and mental capacity influences interactions. I remember Jordan being very touchy-feely, hugging us a lot, and talking witn how happy he was to be our friend. Read: Video games are better without stories Jon Allison: It is a shooter, like Call of Duty or Halo, but also layers in some role-playing elements. Be curious Ask questions.

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Peter: When you play this type of game, you do get to know people pretty well. Tim: Basically the themes here are video games and drinking.

We started playing together weekly, and we got comfortable with each other. Peter: I fried remember Jordan being really fun to play a game with.

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Research shows the opposite, however, that people nearly always are willing to engage in a conversation when prompted by ffiend else. We brought him into our actual, IRL friend group. This was in It was new to me. Peter: Yeah, these are true randos.

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I had struggled in Seattle to really find connections. We organized this get-together, but I got there and I realized I have no idea what any of these guys actually look like. Research actually suggests that people who ask more questions are better liked by their conversation partners than people who ask fewer questions.

And the mental picture you have of what a person looks like based on the friens is never accurate. He met my dad and I at our hotel and hung out with us for three days and it was never awkward or weird. One of these guys has also since moved to Richmond. Beck: Jordan ended up moving to Richmond, where friebd of you live—how did that come about? Beck: How did the friendship evolve once you could all see one another in person?

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The culmination was when Tim and I threw a party for him. Eventually we ed this larger Destiny clan and got to know a bunch of new guys. Jordan: Trent called me and told me about a job at his company.

A question can either kick off a conversation or keep it going, Sandstrom says. It always throws you witj a loop. It turns out a bunch of them lived in Northern Virginia. My dad and I went up to a music festival in Ohio, and one of the guys lived in Ohio and he was going to the same festival. Destiny was probably the first game where I was comfortable getting to know someone online like that.

hcat It was his month party of living in Richmond. Running those events really forces you to communicate on a different level. Trent: There are a lot of cooperative tasks in the chat with a friend that require anywhere from three to six people. Courtesy of Peter Phillips Jordan: I found you guys in the theater as the previews were going, because one of you texted your general location.

Our fear assumptions fail to take into the social norms of politeness, Schroeder says. A cynical guy. This is our friend Matt. If you or someone you know should be featured on The Friendship Files, get in touch at friendshipfiles theatlantic.

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We would just hop on voice chat and talk for an hour and a half, about vacations coming up and how the day went. Jon: That relationship also culminated frind a Peter-driven drinking party. Beck: How is developing a friendship over voice chat, focused around this shared activity, different from becoming friends in person? Peter: He hugs very hard.

Jon: Jordan got very drunk.

Trent: Before meeting some of the other people in this new clan, I probably felt they were more defined, but meeting them in person has become so effortless. But it was so seamless. Tim: Very aggressive. Trent: We found the clan eith Reddit. Peter: I totally hear that.

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